Communicating with your partner is likely the most important aspect of your relationship. However, those deep conversations that dominated the early days of your romance typically fall by the wayside sooner or later, and turn into vegging out to Netflix while scrolling your respective phones.
Reconnecting, however, is easy. No matter what stage your relationship is in, bringing up a meaningful question can spark thoughtful conversation, allow you and your partner to be vulnerable with each other and deepen your bond.
Let the following questions open the door to the next chapter of connection, trust and love in your relationship.
1. What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like to You?
Understanding what your partner believes defines a healthy relationship is key information for the state of your union now and in the future. We all come into our romantic situations with certain wants, needs and dreams. Sharing those can help you better understand each other and give you something to strive for in your relationship
This question can also gently nudge you into discussing the relationships that shaped your perceptions of what love should look like, like your parents’ relationships and your own formative bonds, which influence our attachment styles and set standards for the love we seek out as adults.
2. What’s a Relationship Compromise You Would Make – What Would You Never Compromise?
Knowing where your partner is flexible — and where they draw the line — can be helpful information for taking a deeper dive into their values. This question tells you exactly what they’re willing to do, or not do, for the sake of your relationship.
It’s also a great jumping off point for discussing hypothetical issues and situations, like: Are they comfortable relocating if you were to get a job in another city? Are they willing to forgive infidelity? Must their parents approve of their partner before they get married? Do they want to have kids? Strap in for this one and get ready to learn some revealing information.
3. What Is Your Biggest Strength as a Partner – What’s Your Biggest Weakness?
The answer to this question may surprise you. Your partner might totally nail what they think their strengths and weaknesses are. Or, you may be shocked by the answers they give. Perception is everything, after all. With insecurities in the way, it can be hard to see what we truly bring to a relationship. This question can be a valuable conversation starter for showing mutual appreciation.
It can also be a low-stakes way to discuss some of the things you’d each like to work on. This will pave the way for keeping each other accountable as you grow into the partners you want to be.
4. What Is Your Biggest Relationship Fear – Ours and Generally
We all come to our relationships with some form of baggage, either from past romances or from things that happened during our upbringings. Some people are fearful of putting all of their proverbial cards on the table. Others have been cheated on or have cheated themselves. Still others have held onto unhealthy relationships, believing that they were better off attached and unhappy than completely alone.
Understanding what scares your partner about relationships—and yours specifically—not only allows you to help assuage any fears, it also creates the opportunity for meaningful conversations about the past and the mistakes you both don’t want to repeat.
5. What Are You Looking Forward to in our Future Together?
If you’re in a romantic relationship asking your partner these questions, chances are that you want to stay in this relationship for the foreseeable future. Talking with your partner about where you’re headed is important to ensure that your goals align. Plus, what your partner is really the most excited about may not be what you think—this is another opportunity to learn something new.
Of course, if your partner can’t directly answer this question, you should initiate a conversation about your relationship’s trajectory. Being on the same page enables both of you to feel secure and enthusiastic about your partnership.
6. What Three Things Would You Tell Your Younger Self about Life?
If you didn’t grow up knowing your partner, which is likely, this question allows you an inside look at who they were before they met you. The things they choose to share with their younger self tells you a great deal about what they value, prioritize and feel pride about in their current life. You might also learn what dreams (and insecurities) your partner had as a kid or teenager.
Of course, what your partner chooses to say about your relationship can be revealing. Also telling is if they don’t mention your relationship at all. That would certainly warrant some follow up questions.
7. If You Could “Do Over” One Moment from Our Relationship, What Would It Be?
Regrets can be tricky to talk about. We might feel lingering guilt or shame about our actions. Or, if the situation was particularly embarrassing we’d probably rather that our partner just forget what happened. And how can they do that if we bring it back up?
However, you can allow this question to encourage you both to be vulnerable about the moments in which you didn’t show up or act in ways you think you should have. More likely than not you will empathize with your partner, and they with you, as you both share what you wish you could do over.
The Secret to Long Relationships is Communication – So Ask Away
Let these questions usher in a new era of your partnership, bringing you closer than ever. If your partner is resistant to having these conversations, however, it’s worth discussing your needs about quote-unquote going there together.
No matter the outcome—what you learn and what you reveal—intentionally connecting can only be beneficial for your bond in the long run.